But Lord, I was Happy Shallow.

This article first appeared in the compilation book But Lord, I was Happy Shallow.  The book was written by Marita Littauer, and published by Kregel Publications in 2004.

Leading our Children

 Mercy and truth preserve the king, and his throne is upheld by mercy. (Proverbs 20.28)

For the past 2 decades, my hands have been filled with the trials and tests of raising 5 children.  Beginning in 1983, my wife and began changing diapers for 10 years.  We refereed squabbles over everything from stuffed animals to roller blades, and shifted from complimenting our kids on the beauty of their crayon scribblings to the cool-ness of their new outfit.

During these often tumultuous years, we read many books on child rearing. Dr. Dobson became a regular visitor in our home.  He was present on the book shelf and in the car radio as I searched for guidelines on how to set loving, yet firm boundaries for our kids.  Yet all the books I read didn’t teach me the most important lesson of how to balance consequences for misbehavior with complete loving acceptance.  I learned this lesson at the side of my son’s bed one evening. 

Josh is the strong willed, first born child in our family.  From his first moments, he had ideas about how things should go, and wasn’t afraid to find his identity in how far he could push the boundaries. He was about 4 years old at the time. He has spent the past few days terrorizing his sister and younger brothers, and generally ‘looking for love in all the wrong places.’  In his defense, it’s often hard for kids to get all the attention they want in a large family, and sometimes a child will choose to settle for the attention they get by misbehaving. 

This particular evening, Josh has pushed his mom’s patience past the breaking point, and I was called in to ‘escort your son’ to an early bedtime.  Mom was frazzled, and Josh was a bit worse for wear too.  He knew he was in trouble as I guided him to the stairs, and then followed him into his room. Kim and I believed that in circumstanced defined by deliberate defiance, and willful disobedience, that loosing privileges was often the consequences, and as Josh sat on the edge of his bed, he braced himself for the news of what he might loose this time.

As I looked at him, I realized that Kim and I has been taking away toys and / or privileges for the previous few days, and while Josh’s behavior hadn’t gotten worse, it hadn’t improved either.  As I paused, mulling over an approach to take which would make a positive impact on my recalcitrant son, a scripture came to mind from my previous day’s quiet time.  Proverbs 20.28 says “Mercy and truth preserve the king, and his throne is upheld by mercy.”  

Josh had experienced enough truth. He knew that he was behaving badly, but at that moment what he didn’t know was that he was loved just as he was, and that I knew that he could treat his family members better than the subtle terrorism campaign which defined the previous few days.  As I told Josh how much I loved him, and that I forgave him for the way he had been behaving, his entire body noticeably uncoiled.  He had been sitting stiff and rigid, as if to steel himself against the consequences from the day.  Instead, his dad’s love taught him that he could do better.  His response taught me the truth of God’s wisdom.